Confessions

I just wanted to get rid of a few things that are on my mind.
Don't hate. Don't judge. Just read or get off here.

1) I know there are a lot of people out there who really like me. And I like them, too. At least i think I do. But I'm not sure most of the time. Please don't take this personal, but I don't believe you if you say you care about me. I don't feel like it. I feel like I'm just a fucking dead weight to you. And that I'm annoying you. And you hate me. I never believe anyone tell me he loves me.

2) I was in therapy for about 6 years (12 - 17). Last time I really tried to kill myself was 2009.

3) I didn't stand up for myself when I should've and now I'm scared and paranoid about nearly everything. I hate going out of the house alone. I hate driving by bus or train alone. Driving my car is ok, because I can shut the doors and I don't have the feeling anyone's watching me. And most of all I'm scared about walking through my hometown because I know all the liars and rumors about me and all the people I knew... and I hate them so much I can't stand seeing their faces again.

4) Most nights I can't sleep because I'm afraid of the darkness, too. I hear voices in my head. Not only at night, daytime too. I see people walking through my room when I'm all alone.

So that's it for tonight.
Sleep well.